I was wrong as a human. My body was bigger than the other children. I was really shy.
I was going often to my grandmother, the mother of my dad. I had a good relation with her. She wasn’t living too far from us so I could go on my own. My uncle, the brother of my father was living there too.
In the afternoon when I was 9 years old I was having naps. My uncle was sleeping with me. I can’t tell you how it did happen the first time cause I don’t remember it. It was my fault. I was feeling disgusted of my self. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I was going to him.
During the abuses I was putting all my feelings on food and you know how grandmothers are, until you are eating everything is fine.
At one point I stopped to eat. The way I look is always been a problem for me because I always been bigger than other kids. I lost a lot of weight really quick. It wasn’t good but people were saying that I was looking good.
When I was 16 my father died. I started to put all my feelings again on food.
I remember a feeling of anger. I was as well feel uncomfortable to stay in the same room with my mum. I decided then to go to Terni to study patisserie. It was the first time I was independent. It has been a good experience. After the course I tried to find a job in Italy. I couldn’t found anything.
I came to London a bit pushed by my mother too. “It’s going to be a good experience for you and you will might found a job” she told me. At 19 years old in December I left for London. A month after I left my grandmother died. It has been a huge pain for me. She was somebody I was admire and I will always do. She was an example of life.
My uncle died in September 2016. It was like everything I passed through when I was young came back to me. I understood I wasn’t happy.
I went back to Italy for holiday. I was having a conversation with my mum. At the end of it I told her. She started to cry “I knew there was something wrong. Don’t think that’s your fault. Why didn’t you say it?” I didn’t want to destroy all the sacrifices that my father, my mother and my grandmother did. Family come first. They are the only people are going to love you. No matter what. For me this is the most valuable gift. At the end of our lives what does stay are not money or material things but the experiences you had with people. These experiences are the treasure of our soul…I think.
Now I said to my self I will do things better. I will try my best at list. I’m on a diet. A proper one. It does helping me feel better with myself. London saved the relationship between my mother and me. Be far away from each other helped. I understood and learnt a lot cause I am on my own in here. You become independent. It wakes you up. I recommend it. Not only here in London but…well anywhere.