Old and new thoughts

Happy new year guys. Hope you had a good break.
I want to share with you at the beginning of this new year some photos I took back in 2018 when I went to Germany for a break.
I didn’t look at those photos till now. I was putting in order my catalogues as 2019 is finished and I came across these photos that I totally forgot about.
I want to share them with you because while editing them they have made me remember that I love to take photos just to experiment and to have memories of where I have been. Something I didn’t do in 2019. I was just trying to get the “perfect image” wherever I was going to sell my work.
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How weird. While I was in Germany I didn’t realise how beautiful it actually is. I wasn’t exactly looking as for a while I have been a zombie. Dead but still walking on this earth. I have been in a dark place for a quite long time. Fighting old and new demons. I am still in grey zone but I am working on it. I learn that I don’t have to fight these demons, but listen to them and try to understand them because in the end, they are part of who I am and they are not bad. They are just sad and frustrated and angry. Yes feelings are not easy to understand and to deal with. I am still learning how to do it.
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I did lose lots while being in this darkness. People too. I had to choose myself, for once or I wouldn’t be here no more. I don’t feel bad towards those people that we didn’t manage to get to stay together. I understood that sometimes is better to let go for the good of both. Sometimes we are just not compatible for each other. It is fine. It is not been easy choosing myself as I was sad and sometimes still am because I still have good memories. I don’t really think those people are bad at all. Just as I said, sometimes we are just not good for each other and the best thing we can do is to let go. I am sure someone has thought the same about me.
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For who managed to deal with me while I was in this dark place, and still managing to stay with me. I want to say thank you. I’m really glad you have been on my side when I needed most and you didn’t give up on me, as for a while I actually did give up on my self. I still have some up and down but this is life right?
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I know I haven’t been easy but I am so grateful that those people are still around me. I literally can count them on one hand. You have no idea how much I appreciate your friendship and glad that you can share with me your time. Yes time. That’s all we have. It is the only thing important for all of us.
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So don’t pretend from people their time but be happy when they get the chance to share it with you. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, whatever is your reason. And specially don’t put your s..t on others, first is not nice and second those other people are dealing with their own s..t too.
Just try to respect people in the way they asking you to and not the way you think is good. And if you can’t give to them that respect no worries. It doesn’t mean you are bad or that they are bad. It just means you are not compatible with each other so just let them go even if it is not easy.
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How weird that some photos that I didn’t look for long time have made me think about my journey in those two years. How far I came and how many experiences I had. Good and bad.
So for 2020 I will try to do two things that make me… feel alive I think I can say.
The first one. Photograph, and not only with the purpose to sell my photos but because I want to take the shot. And writing, I think I am quite good with it and specially it helps me to express my self as for who knows me, I am not exactly a good talker. If you ask me how I am, my answer will be “fine”.
These are my two new intention for 2020. What about you? Any new intention for this year?
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